What is the most useless, thoughtless piece of advice that you have ever received? I am talking about when you have messed up royally or when you have made a mistake. You might have found yourself surrounded by others who couldn’t relate because they have might have never made your particular mistake or they goofed up so long ago that their selective memory is deluding them to believe that they are smarter, wiser and better planners than you seem to be.
The phrase that you probably heard during your difficult time was most likely “You should have thought of that before.” The person saying it might as well say, “You should have used your crystal ball.” The advice is not only useless, it is also hurtful. It rubs your mistake deep into your emotional wound and makes you feel worse. The problem with the phrase is that even a master chess player cannot see and plan for every possible move.
Many who suffer from post traumatic stress harbor thoughts of what they should have done differently during their traumatic event. The reality is you don’t have to be a bad driver to get in an accident. You only have to drive around in our imperfect world. If you make good decisions, your probabilities of success are better but mistakes and unforeseen events are still possible. Life happens and you only have the potential to make your future better if you do the best that you can today.
If the irrational thought, “You should have thought of that before,” is haunting you by living in your head, make an effort to take back your life from that past mistake by evicting that thought from your mental residence. The best way to evict an unwanted tenant or thinking pattern like that is to replace them with a new tenant, like some positive thought patterns that will pay you positive emotional “rent” and help you to feel better.
You may have made lots of mistakes but if you’re reading this, you’re already creating a better tomorrow beginning today.
Robert Betancourt is a Board Certified Christian Counselor. His unique approach has helped hundreds of people work through their problems and issues. Feel free to contact him.
You can connect with Robert at his two websites:
Christian Relationship Counselor
David and Annie Spell are serving the Lord in Curitiba, Brazil. They are training pastors and leaders and helping plant churches all over Brazil. You can be a part of their ministry by clicking here. Obrigado!
