Third Place goes to this story from Florida, Police: Man Rams Waffle House to Run Over His Waitress Wife. The story doesn’t say why the husband was mad at his waitress wife. Maybe she messed up his hash browns. At least the woman was working. I bet she was supporting her husband. It is Florida, after all. After ramming his truck into the Waffle House and injuring his wife, the angry husband came out of the truck with a knife, presumably to finish the job. A customer who was minding his own business, just eating his grits, eggs, and waffle subdued the angry hubby “with a broken piece of metal.” That has a nice ring to it.
Second Place this week also comes to us from Florida. Does anyone see a pattern here? The headline is, Lawyer Threatens to Kill Girlfriend During Naked Swordfight. With the advent of guns, we just don’t have any good swordfight stories any more. This started innocently enough. He threw a mirror at her. She threw a metal hook at him that cut his face. That was crossing the line, according to Mr. Locy. He grabbed a sword and threw another one at his girlfriend and, in essence, challenged her to a duel. He told her, “You’re going to need this.” Surprisingly, duels are illegal in Florida. The girlfriend was able to get away and the soon to be dis-barred lawyer was arrested. It will probably shock you, but alcohol was involved in this little dispute.
And this weeks winner is…Substitute Teacher Accused Of Pulling Knife. These weren’t first graders that the sub was working with. They were 10th graders. Let’s not rush to judgment too quickly. I have met a few 10th graders that I wanted to cut. This Augusta, Georgia, substitute was trying to control a class of fifteen students. One student refused to sit down so the sub pulled out his pocket knife and threatened the student. That was probably not the best way to handle the situation. I mean who takes a pocket knife seriously? The sub should have had a sword. That would have gotten the classes attention.
